I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
