If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
