K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
