So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
