There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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