You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
