And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize