we're chasing vodka with high fives
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
