Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
