I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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