were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
