just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
