I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
