I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
