hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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