So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
