maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
