What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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