is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
