i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
