I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
