i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
