I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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