she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
