Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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