the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
