Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
