This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize