if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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