You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize