I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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