it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
