im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
