I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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