whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize