Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
