The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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