she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
