So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
