I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
