we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
