When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
