We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
