dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
