my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
