I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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