can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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