lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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