I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
