If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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