we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
