Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
