Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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