Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
