man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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