Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
