Sry I called you an 8
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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