the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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