Apparently you make a good broom.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize