I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
