So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
