I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
