Im at strip club and am horny
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
