We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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