I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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