i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
