Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
