I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
