1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
