We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found puke in my bra..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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