my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
