just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
