lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
