I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
