he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
