I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
