Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
